“You’re not gonna make it.” Our tour guide examined me from his monstrous dirt bike. A group of us booked a motorcycle tour around Ha Giang in the mountains of North Vietnam. It was Day 1 and a few minutes into the journey when I fell off the bike.

“I’m not gonna make it? Can someone drive me then?” I asked the guide as if he was a Magic 8 Ball.

He shook his head in response and I felt like a contestant not getting through to the next stage of boot camp on the X-Factor, watching my friends speed off ahead of me.

What’s worse than having a fear of driving really fast? Being told you need to speed up.

I had lived in the country for over a year and was used to being a slow driver in a chaotic city. I had learnt the way of the busy roads: to confidently keep going, dodge oncoming traffic, and never worry about what’s behind you. Everyday, I scooted around Hanoi, happy to be a part of the hustle bustle; furniture tied onto bikes, dogs with helmets, babies without any. I had seen it all and yet now I was shocked that my experience was not gonna cut it, regardless of the fact I paid for the tour. It was like getting into the hellicopter about to skydive, reaching the clouds and being told you can’t.

Now, we were in the countryside with no traffic, plus we had a tight schedule with a lot of activities on our agenda which meant = speed. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s trying to keep up with a group when I feel uncomfortable (I’m only good at doing that when I’m drinking). So, I reluctantly pushed my foot onto the pedal and stayed near the front of our group to ensure I wouldn’t get lost, feeling terrified I was gonna crash every time a bend approached. We tried to make a system to beep like a maniac any time someone was falling behind so those of us at the front knew to slow down – needless to say, there was a lot of beeping. This was one of the occassions where I pushed myself to do something I was nervous about, then realised I shouldn’t have.

Don’t get me wrong, it was AMAZING to see I could survive the beautiful picturesque mountains of North Nam on a bike, even if I was a part of the group slowing down (SPOILER ALERT – I DID MAKE IT). It was the most beautiful experience with the most wonderful bunch of people, I just wish I could have let myself enjoy it more. 3 people on our tour ended up getting lost because we were all travelling at different speeds and some of them took a wrong turn. We also encountered a couple of flat tires. So I guess a lesson learnt is the importance of clear communication and realistic expectations with big group outings. Small groups are usually easier to manage, especially on the wild winding roads of Nam, and it can be stressful trying to follow a checklist plan with a massive group of people.

Telling someone they can’t do something usually doesn’t help, or at least from my experience — those thrill seekers who love a challenge may feel otherwise.

Tips I would give past Saoirse:

1. Practice driving a manual motorcycle / ask a friend to show you before hopping on and hoping for the best.

2. Don’t let someone scare you into speeding up. As Dory says, just keep swimming/driving.

3. Just because the road is winding, doesn’t mean you’re going to skid.

4. Get a personal driver so you can chill out and look at the most breathtaking views while listening to music. I can drive fast, but I don’t want to.

5. Karaoke always livens up the mood.

6. It’s difficult for 15 + people to navigate the roads of Ha Giang together. Small groups and clear communication can lead to less problems.