“He is a fool. Any guy would be lucky to have you!”

Have you ever heard this, and thought: “Yeah, but why doesn’t he want me then?”

You are not alone. Either that, or I am completely alone.

And the response to the above question may go somewhat like: “Because he’s not thinking straight.”

My friends and I are constantly playing a game of table tennis flicking compliments over and back at each other to help flick away the feelings of rejection and loneliness that come with being single in your 20s.

Unfortunately, this is not a solution to the problem (so please don’t try it at home). Sure, stroking the ego is a comforting feeling for a moment. It will help you bond with your friends and hold the upper hand, for a moment.

But is feeding each other a narrative that isn’t necessarily real helpful? Or creating a throne for the upper hand which probably shouldn’t exist to begin with?

It’s like the book/movie ‘He’s just not that into you’ says: we grow up in a world that tells us if a boy is mean to us, it means he likes us! What type of sick message is that to process? Oh, he threw a bottle of Fanta over me because he thinks I’m bloody FANTAstic. (excuse the pun)

Do we just enjoy lying to each other to shelter everyone from facing rejection and processing he’s just not that into you?

I’m not saying that THAT is the reason for all of our guy or gal problems, or that they are ever that simple. No, no, no. Of course, there are billions of other possible scenarios like maturity levels, right guy-wrong time, different values. But is dissecting the reason why over several three-course meals with your friends really ever gonna give you the answer? And is it worth worrying over someone who doesn’t appreciate your self-worth?

Instead of picking at those possibilities, pick at your food and consider a piece of advice that has taken me a while to figure out in this single jungle:

Have direct communication with the other person. Then if that seems impossible, move on. It’s not worth twiddling your thumbs and re-checking your inbox over someone who is harder to understand than Pythagoras’ theorem.

Being direct is better than being delusional.

Don’t be a prick; say what you are actually feeling so the narrative can end there.