Why does starting a new habit feel like a distant relative/old pal coming to stay with you?

It’s fun and exciting for the first few days, then you’re all caught up with each other and wondering when they’ll leave. Tiptoeing around them and finding excuses to bolt to the shop for some personal space and a break. Sighing when they’re at the breakfast table to greet you. Pissed off cos they took the last bit of butter. Take Fr Paul Stone. from Father Ted as the perfect example. The random visits and unpredictability of how long he’d stay nearly killed the man and the rest of the priests.

Learning to live with someone isn’t easy (anyone can back me up on that); you are not only living with the physical being, but you’re dancing around their peculiar ways and mannerisms. I’ve known my mother since the day I was born (shocker) yet adjusting to each other’s routines still requires a bit a compromise when back home, a bit a effort and a bit a respect. Or just bluntly telling each other not to speak in the morning unless spoken to (or cough, or breathe). But with those understandings, you eventually just make it work and the unfamiliar becomes the new familiar.

This is like new habits. We start January with wonderful intentions:

Day 1: You jump out of bed in the morning, motivated to repent for the indulgent eating and drinking over the holidays. You start your new habit. Let’s say it’s yoga. You’re stretching more than the Stretch Armstrong doll. “I’ve still got it” you think as you follow the YouTuber’s instructions and kick your leg in the air like your life depends on it, proud and surprised at your flexibility.

Day 2: Ooo must have pulled a muscle doing them kicks yesterday. No problem, you opt for a light relaxing yoga today (don’t want to risk injury…). You approach the mat like a goddess: “Look at me, a yogi. Why haven’t I always done this?” you smile towards the ceiling mid downward dog in your new elephant pants. Later that day, you brag to work colleagues about how you woke up at 6am to complete a yoga session. Suddenly you’ve become the chirpy morning person everyone wants to punch.

Day 3: You can barely make out the room as the alarm rings in your ear. It seems you’ve used up every ounce of energy in your body yesterday. And the late night scrolling didn’t help. Your body is stiff and the blankets are warm. Have a lie-in today. Your body deserves it and need to be well rested for work. Okay, back to sleep now. Why can’t I get back to sleep? Let’s lay here and think of what I could be doing instead.

Day 4: Ugh. You drag yourself out of bed and take your time walking down the steps visualising your body tumbling down them in slow motion. At least that’ll give an excuse. You press play. Was the YouTuber’s voice always this irritating? You can barely lift your leg nevermind kick it. Someone at the office asks how your yoga is going. You say great but your face reads: Drop it or I will drop you, “Barbara”.

Day 5: It’s Friday. Woo. Where are we going tonight, Barabara? Yoga? Huh? Oh yeah. I’ll start on Monday… Or next month.

Sound familiar? So how can you start new habits and keep them?

How can you learn to live with them like you’ve learnt to live with your housemates?

I’ve put together a list of tips that I find useful:

-Start now. And when you mess up, get over it and start now:Don’t wait till Monday. As Nike slogan says, Just Do It.  Your mind will always find excuses. You think it’s your friend cos it tells you to rest and eat a donut. It tells you that you’ve already broken the habit so may as well continue. But often our minds can trick us to think new habits are more painful than they actually are. They jump to bring us short-term comfort which can lead to long-term pain. You must opt for long-term comfort by bearing with short-term pain.  

-Write down what your new habit is and why you are doing it: This will make your goals very clear and remembering the reason why will be what gets you out of bed in the morning. I suggest writing down what will happen if you don’t complete this habit? E.G.

Long-term pleasure: Practising morning yoga relieves stress and boosts my self-esteem. I enjoy starting the day in a state of calm.

Long-term pain: If I avoid this habit, I will start the day rushing to work. I will feel worse about myself and find sitting for long hours uncomfortable.

Short-term pain: Waking up an hour earlier than my body is used to. Spending less time scrolling on social media at night to ensure I am asleep early.

–Quantity over quality: Yes, you did read that right. What do I mean by this? Habits are just about doing an action regularly so it can become second nature. Atomic Habits recommends starting a habit by doing small amounts regularly. A lot of people start out doing LOADS at first and then they tire themselves out and give up. 10 minutes of yoga everyday is better than 40 minutes one day, 0 the next day. Start small and eventually you will find yourself wanting to do more.

Reward yourself: This could be making a coffee and enjoying it once you are finished. Or it could be playing your favorite songs as you complete the workout. It might be treating yourself to your favorite meal at the end of the week or buying fun yoga pants.

–Make the habit easy to complete and impossible to miss: Leave the yoga mat out waiting for you.  Pack the gym bag the night before. Place your guitar beside your couch. Make the equipment and tools needed accessible to you. These small steps will save time and energy. Get a friend to hold you accountable or track your progress in a daily planner.

–Don’t get lost in old stories about yourself: Old stories are as boring as that overstayed guest. Throw them out the door and wish them well. Then get up and get started! Believe you can. Even if you don’t have evidence from the past, make evidence. You are not the same person you were last year. You can choose new habits and live the life you want to live. Goals are important, but in the end it’s our daily habits that matter more than the ‘end goal’. Choose your ideal habits and start your story today.