It was a week before my 27th birthday; I was reflecting on the life-changing year that had passed & simultaneously scanning my ‘goals’ list. I’d made it to Bali but I hadn’t ticked off all of the activities I’d dreamt of doing. Silent retreat. The words stared back at me. Then the thoughts emerged:

Too expensive… When would I even do it… Why would I pay for silence… I’ll wait till I feel more prepared…

And then:

If I were to die this year, would I regret not having done this silent retreat? Or would I regret having spent money on it?

So I googled ‘Bali Silent Retreat‘. You could visit for 1 day or 1 month. Maybe even 1 year. And there was availability the following day. Two nights of organic vegetarian food, beautiful surroundings, nature walks, bombfires, hot springs and

– silence.

Your booking is confirmed. Happy birthday to me.

After arriving at my two-day silent retreat, I was amazed at how easy it was to switch off in a beautiful quiet setting surrounded by ricefields in the presence of silent strangers. There was something calming about the area; if it were a character in a novel, it would be a warm affectionate mother ready to embrace anyone who’d let her.

I stayed in a basic room with a bed, hot/cold shower, toilet, mirror & mosquito net. The staff give you a goodie bag on arrival with a journal and pen (I filled mine up within the first day).

Guests are free to roam the grounds as they wish. There is a communal area where breakfast, lunch and dinner are served. Each lodger has their own dishes and must serve themselves & wash up afterwards. Snacks and herbal teas are available 24/7: I indulged in homemade vegan cookies and a range of herbs picked fresh from the garden. Most of us spent a lot of time sitting in the loft above the kitchen which had a library of books, beanbags, couches, mats and desks.

Each morning and evening there was communal yoga and meditation (optional). I may have missed the first morning session because I didn’t hear the wake-up gong.. and I didn’t have a watch so had no clue what time it was. But my body must have needed the rest!

Below are some takeaway points that I learnt from this eye-opening experience & ways you can apply them to your own life!

Time sitting in silence is important for thoughts and ideas to come to the surface

Our minds are often overstimulated with a load of shit from the outside world – our phones, TV, books, songs, work, friends/family etc. it’s no wonder we all jet off to find ourselves cos it’s hard to distinguish who the hell we actually are in a noisy world. Sitting in silence without distractions is vital for you to untangle your thoughts – or – to just leave them be and watch them disappear. And once you have sat with your thoughts, you’ll hopefully be able to acknowledge some of the ridiculous thinking patterns and beliefs circulating in your head. Instead of criticizing them, simply allow the thoughts to float off like clouds in the sky. Let the sky clear up and your mind will feel refreshed and content.

I suggest spending time in the morning doing this. Take 10 minutes of your morning before looking at screens (20 minutes if you are willing) to just sit in silence and see what comes up. You can do this looking at a pretty view from your window or sitting on the couch. Wherever you are, make sure you are comfortable and out of bed. You will want to move, check your phone, make coffee, respond to an email – but don’t. Sit there until the 10 minute timer is up and see what happens and remember you control your thoughts, they don’t control you!

It’s nice sitting in silence with other people

“And even if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.” – Quote from P.S. I LOVE YOU.

There was around ten other people on the retreat. Though none of us spoke, we spent a lot of time in each other’s company throughout the day. We were all reading, journaling or napping in a loft above the kitchen. This loft had couches, beanbags, mats and a library of books. It was so lovely being in an area where people weren’t just quiet because they were in ‘work-mode’. It warmed my heart to see everyone reading books, drinking tea and watching the beautiful nature outside. It’s so easy to be pessimistic about today’s world: how we are all obsessed with screens, self-absorbed, ignorant to our outside environment, and need stimulation.

This isn’t true. Instead of sitting with people scrolling through TikTok videos & random faces, try sitting in nature together, maybe even doing some journaling and reading. Both of you sitting in silence appreciating time together without having to talk while supporting habits that help build your concentration and focus.

Act from a place of love rather than a place of lack

When I arrived at lunchtime, I was overwhelmed with the amount of delicious healthy food choices at the buffet. This excitement led to panic; I started putting as many food items on my plate as if I was never going to eat again. I then felt ridiculous when I couldn’t finish half of it and there was still tons of food left at the buffet. Afterwards, I realised I should take my time. Choose intently and be appreciative of the meal as well as respectful of the other people who have to eat. Afterwards, I noticed the guilty voice in my head saying you ate too much. You need to exercise. But I was feeling content sitting on the couch so decided: Act from a place of love and compassion rather than lack. Eat and exercise for nourishment and care not out of lack.

The Gratitude Tree

I love gratitude. It is something that keeps coming up in every motivational talk and self-help book. Again and again, speakers keep coming back to the point: being grateful can only make you feel better and raise your energy. Gratitude is a little reminder of all the good around you. It can also be a reminder of all the love in your life. Consumerism is built on lack: the media wants you to want more. To never feel satisfied. You will never reach a point where you feel: “Okay. Everything in my life is perfect now.” Because life is always changing. And so are we.

At the retreat, they had a gratitude tree. Everyday, people would hang up notes on the branches about what they were grateful for: this ranged from loved ones to personal choices to the nature surrounding them. For doing this at home, I suggest keeping a gratitude jar. Everyday write 3 things you are grateful for. Once the jar fills up, celebrate your accomplishment and read over all of the good in your life. Tony Robbins says to move forward while enjoying life, we must appreciate what we have instead of always focusing on what’s missing.

Communication is more than speech: practise listening

When friends are sharing stories, I often can’t contain my excitement so I cut over them to feel included. I forget that doing this repeatedly is saying: my voice is more valuable than yours. It’s boosting our ego. But on this retreat, I remembered the other ways we communicate. Silent smiles with strangers. Head nudges. Eye contact. Awareness. Listening isn’t just with your ears, but with your intuition. What feels right in the moment. Throughout the two days, I was out of my usual routine and embracing doing what felt right for me. Sometimes, I’d get an urge to go for a walk along one of the several beautiful paths. Other times, I just wanted to sit. I felt more aware of the beauty around me. The faces around me. The sounds.

A few days after I left the retreat, I attended a social wellness event to dance, laugh and meet new people. At the end of the event, we were told to hug three strangers. A lovely lady approached me enthusiastically, and when we hugged, it felt as if I already knew her.

“You were on the silent retreat, right?” she said. And we didn’t say much more other than how it’s bizarre we’ve crossed paths again. And maybe we would another day.

I’m Sorry Bonfire

Each night, we sat around a bombfire on logs or hanging in hammocks. There were sheets of paper and pens to write anything you’re sorry for. Then you throw it in the fire and let it go. This made me reflect a lot on the guilt we carry around with us and how often ‘sorry’ is just thrown around like a ‘thank you’.

For trying this at home, If you don’t have a fire, I suggest lighting a candle and pouring a bowl of water. Once a month, burn all of the things you are ‘sorry’ for or all of the things you feel ‘guilt’ over or the dreams that didn’t work out or the ways you let yourself down. Write them. Feel them. Burn them.

When the two days ended, I felt refreshed and ready to go back. Until I turned my phone on. I didn’t expect it to be more difficult switching back on and readjusting to ‘the real world’. But once I swas slapped in the face with 33 emails and 7 unread chats, my body jumped into panic mode. I felt so behind! And for a day afterwards, found it really difficult to focus on my phone, respond to people and adjust back to my busy environment. I actually spent the first evening feeling emotionally drained and upset which made me wonder – was this retreat a good thing?

The answer is YES.

The silent retreat was the best birthday present I’ve ever given to myself. But I don’t think we need to fly away, spend a load of money or disappear for a week to feel the benefits. You can incorporate what I learnt from the retreat into your regular routine for more presence, peace and silence in your life.

I’ve started waking up an hour earlier in the mornings and purposefully avoiding my phone for as long as possible. I spend time being present when making my breakfast, reading, brushing my teeth and sitting in silence. Starting the day slowly and mindfully is important to help you continue your day in the same mood.

Bali Silent Retreat, Meditation, Prayer and Restful Contemplation – in Silence