I’ve forgotten how much I love the quiet still mornings. Where I can move slowly and softly through time without worrying about it catching up on me, without feeling I am in a race with it. No phones. No music. No distractions. Just the flicker of a candle as I read my book and sip my coffee. There’s no rush into work. I don’t forget about myself entirely. I connect deeper with myself and the world around me. Giving myself this gap in the morning is the best gift I could ask for. The cats are still cuddled up asleep in their bed. Just me and the moon sit here basking in the beauty of life. The beauty of this very moment. I’m still in that half asleep dreamlike state where nothing feels real and anything feels possible. My body relaxed, easing into the day. No disturbances. No notifications. No get up and go. Just sit and be still.

Throughout the last week I have been staying up late and waking up late. I have been rushing from here to there. My thoughts, body and heart have felt disconnected and out of alignment. Like they are each sitting at separate lunch tables in the cafeteria, refusing to sit together or hear what the other has to say.

Which table do I sit at?

I’ve found myself taking sides with my thoughts over the last week. Sitting with them and entertaining the notion that ‘I don’t have time’ and ‘I should be doing this or that’ while I am going about my day. Hushing my heart and body from saying a word. My thoughts have been more excited and noisier than a child at Disneyland on a hot summer’s day with plenty of queues. Indecisive about what to do, impatient about where to go. Complaining about what I can’t do. Pointing out what everyone else is doing. Seeing endless possibilities of excitement and opportunities. My body on the other hand, has felt like that of the tired parent standing exhausted in a queue entertaining that child while getting sunburnt and heat stroke, fantasizing about lying on a beach doing nothing. This is sort of what people pleasing feels like. When you are entertaining another because you care about them and want them to be happy and you want to avoid any conflict, tantrums or meltdowns – even if it means you end up getting hurt or feeling exhausted in the process. But we forget about taking care of ourselves, or we just don’t know how to because we never have.

Sometimes I think looking out for myself means ticking off everything on my long to-do list, always listening to my thoughts and following what they tell me, staying in the perfect routine. But deep down I know that we as humans are more than a list. We are more than how much we accomplish. We are more than those thoughts that race around our head. We are more than all the noise. The showing off and the glitz and glam.

This modern society will tell us otherwise – convince us that we need to work 9-5 Monday to Friday to be worthy of rest, regardless of what purpose that work serves. This society will convince us that how much we do and how much money we earn and how much we own or how many followers we have is what makes us ‘worthy’ as humans.

But then there’s the heart. The fact that each one of us are living and breathing with a heart that’s beating in our chest. Is it constantly beating in a panic, afraid of what’s next? Is it always looking out for potential threat? Always racing ahead to the next thing? Always worried about what everyone else will think? Always concerned and fearing life? Trapped and confined screaming out for attention? Or is your heart open and calm, seeking out opportunities, love and connection? On a boundless journey for a deeper reason why. Does your heart light up in delight at different moments throughout the day, noticing the world around you, or do they just pass you by? Have you forgotten your heart is even there? Have you locked it up and thrown away the keys so nobody else can find it – not even you? Are you patrolling who and what gets access to it, taking sides with fear and those racing thoughts in your mind instead?

To be open-minded, we must have an open heart. We must be willing to connect with others and the world around us in spite of labels, titles, class, appearence, and whatever else our thoughts and knowledge use to block us from one another. We choose love and connection, not just knowledge and productivity.

Let me ask you a question:

Do you care about the people in your life or do you care about how they serve your life?

If you throw a tantrum when someone doesn’t want to do something, it’s time to question how much you are valuing fellow humans VS how much you are valuing your comfort zone.

I dare you to intentionally carve time out to delight your heart and follow joy, even when your thoughts are telling you otherwise. Even when there’s nobody else who will come along with you. Even when nobody is giving you permission to do so. We must give ourselves permission. We must grant ourselves the gift of time, instead of waiting for others to do so.