I saw these tweets the other day that really bothered me (I know, the story of any twitter user’s life, or X, whatever you call it). I’d say the owners are basking in delight at the fact we’re feeding on these problematic statements. But the problem in this case wasn’t the content of the tweet or the words used. What bothered me most was how these users were having to over-explain the context of their tweet just to make sure they weren’t offending anyone. I was reading tweets about people wanting peace in Palestine which were then followed with “but just to clarify, I don’t hate Jews”. This stopped me in my tracks, and I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. In what world would people misread ‘wanting peace’ as ‘hating Jewish people’? This would be the same as my friend being in an abusive relationship, me pointing it out, but then being told that I was only intervening because I hated his religion. I know some people would read that example, excited to jump out from behind the bush and claim I’m a sexist who hates men because I used a male as an abuser. But, to that I say, let them jump out. I do not believe in discrimination because of someone’s identity, but I do believe in being able to question someone’s actions freely – no person or group of people should be powerful enough that they are excluded from being challenged, and no person should be judged for a group’s actions if they don’t stand by it.

People are more caught up in calling people out, shaming people, looking for errors in language use, and throwing out labels to shut people down, rather than examining people’s actions and their moral behaviour. Rather than seeing the individual and hearing their voice instead of generalizing them and their opinion into a category that fits perfectly. But humans are messy and none of us are the same, though we do share our humanity. We have created so many labels and checklists in our modern society that it now means if you question anyone who falls under a particular labelled group, you are risking being called out for hating not just them, but their community. What better way to ensure tyrants can reign and cause destruction to the planet without being questioned? I don’t think it’s fair to assume all people in a particular group agree with every single thing their ‘leader’ does and says. If they do, this is no longer a group, this is a cult. This is a person abusing their position of power (which wouldn’t be like humans at all…) It’s easy for us to just blame one person as the problem, but I think there always has to be more going on than that and it’s important to look at conditions that have made this okay to happen.

I believe attacking, manipulation and gaslighting leaves all of us walking on egg shells in this picture perfect world of control, scared to say anything that might trigger someone else, drop us into the fires, get us cancelled and banished from society. And yet, while we are busy fighting over who said this and that, who’s outfit is better and why that celebrity cheated on their partner, there are people in government dropping bombs at the expense of human lives. They are causing civilians to burn and suffer while the working class sit and argue with each other, and the rich get richer. Companies are benefiting from us fearing and lacking so they can sell more products to keep on earning. So, yes, we can all spend time fighting over who said what and whether they should have or not, or we can take a look at people’s actions and intentions, what they are actively doing and contributing. And while we are at it, we may as well take a look at our own life instead of only finding fault in other people’s. We can lean in from a place of curiosity and allow for freedom of expression. Allow the discomfort. This might open room for real change.

Can we ask another person their intentions rather than immediately finding fault or presuming we know them? How about rather than attacking and jumping down people’s throats, we listen to what they have to say and try to form an understanding before we then express our own. Can we stop telling people what they are and actually take time to ask them who they are and what they think and maybe even help them figure out where their beliefs formed? Some people believe and think things but don’t even know why, it’s just what they’ve been told. It’s an identity they are comfortable with. How can we ever allow ourselves to fully figure out who we are if we shame people for speaking up and questioning the world?

At this rate, I think we are all a bit mentally deranged, but people still like to tell you that only the ones who talk about mental health are. This will stop you from thinking for yourself, so you can continue on living a ‘normal life’ like everyone else. I believe we can find more common ground in one another’s problems instead of going to war at each other over them. We could work together and listen to what people are saying instead of faulting the labels and terms they are using. Instead of opening up a dictionary or a history book ready to pounce and say “but look”. Ready to diagnose them so you no longer have to look. How about we come from a place of genuine care and truth, asking fellow humans: “what is it that bothers you?”

We’re creating this world of sides where you can’t be friends with this person because they don’t get along with that person. You can’t say this because they might think you mean that. You can’t do this because you said you’d do that. You have to choose. Well, we do have a choice, and our choice can be to choose the complexity and imperfection of humanity and continue to find the common humanity in all people instead of pretending we are perfect while constantly searching for division and separation. Maybe we should stop trying to box people in and instead allow room for growth and change. Maybe we should examine the wheel that we’re all running on. Like hamsters in a cage but the only thing we’re running towards is our graves.