I don’t think Christmas has to be the same as it used to be. Maybe that’s the reason I am feeling this grief. I remember how good it was even though back then we didn’t know it was. I miss the relatively normal stuff: fighting with my brother, living with my grandmother, singing Christmas songs in the shower, buying gifts last minute and shaking boxes wondering what was in it. Writing cards and believing in the magic of Christmas with all my heart. So excited I thought I’d explode.

But now there are cracks in our family home. People we love that we lost. I’ve learnt the realities of consumerism and the price that it costs. I’ve learnt that nothing in life is guaranteed, and those realisations can’t be painted over and forgotten with decorations, gifts, and a Christmas tree.

And yet I don’t want to spend my life avoiding Christmas, but I also don’t want to spend it avoiding sadness and forcing happiness. There’s got to be another way. Where we can share love and hugs but still remember the ones we’ve lost and love. Where we can move with the tide instead of against it.

Christmas doesn’t have to be sparkly, glitzy, busy and new. It can be warm and fuzzy and gentle making memories with those around you and remembering those who have gone before you. Wrapping yourself up in a comforting cocoon.

Christmas doesn’t have to be forcing happiness, it can be acknowledging sadness, while laughing and hugging about it. It doesn’t have to be happy or sad – it can be both. 

This strange limbo period that you are in isn’t a forever, it’s an adjustment.

Right now you shrug Christmas off as just another day, but your body and heart knows deep down there’s another way. You’re still grieving what it used to be and unsure about what it’s now meant to be. 

And that’s okay. 

Just be patient and give yourself time to figure it out. Don’t rule this day or the people you love out. You deserve love and happiness and company even if you aren’t feeling up for it. You don’t have to perform and entertain to be worthy of it. So from me to all of you I just want to say Take care. Be kind. And merry Christmas. ❤