This time last year, I embarked on my first journey where I felt truly alone. This was overwhelmingly exciting and also extremely terrifying. I left Ireland on the 3rd of January 2017 for 6 months to study at UCI in California, but at first it felt like I was leaving forever.

When I arrived in California, I was so happy to see a beaming sun and was really adamant for a fresh start on my own in a new city. This is exactly what I got, but not exactly as planned. My first month in Irvine was literally a rollercoaster of emotions. I was lucky to meet new friends from all over the world and have a great group to travel with. I had amazing American housemates who were really friendly. To top it off, I loved every single class I had. If there was a course made for me it was Literary Journalism at Irvine.

But nobody ever warns you about culture shock on Erasmus. Before I left I had so many people repeat “you’re so lucky” and “it’s going to be amazing”, but nobody could predict the homesickness when your social media was bombarded with pictures of your friends at home having fun. Or the rare occasions when my internet connection and time difference would actually suit my long distance relationship. The first month was the most exciting but also the hardest as there were days I wanted to hide in my room, but having a room mate made that impossible (something I’m thankful for now), and times where I wanted someone to talk to but my mum was on the other side of the ocean. I found myself criticizing the food and the many annoying traits I found in few Americans. But as time went by, I allowed myself to embrace the new culture and make a new home away from home.

So basically I’m writing this post now because I think change can always be exciting, but it’s also really scary. When we look back on great new experiences, it’s easy to only remember the good times. Our news feeds online are constantly taken over with pictures of people traveling with happy faces and living their lives to the ‘full potential’, but nobody ever captures the hardships and struggles behind those happy faces. Its important to undergo struggle and acknowledge change because it helps you grow and become more independent. I’m so thankful for the bad days I had when I was abroad because they made me appreciate the good. Everyone faces hard times throughout their lives, you never know what anyone is silently going through.

Studying abroad and moving to a new place on your own is scary but extremely liberating as you meet people who know nothing more about you than your name; it feels like you are creating your own world that is separate to the familiar comfortable one at home. But being away makes you realize what you miss about home, and more importantly through new experiences it makes you realize who you are as a person and what makes you ‘you’.

As time went by, I made really close friendships and unforgettable memories throughout my six months. I tried new foods, travelled far, and immersed myself in my course. I think you have to give it your all if you’re studying abroad and realize that you are only there for a short period of your life, so it’s best to make the most of it. If you have a bad day, don’t be hard on yourself. It’s normal to want to run home to the familiar but give it a chance and know that better things always wait ahead. It’s completely normal to miss home and not be having an amazing time all of the time. Just know it’s a bad day, not a bad study abroad.

When my time abroad was ending I was so happy for the amazing experience but scared to go home because Irvine became my normal life. It’s funny now looking back at how tough it was for me at the start knowing the amazing times that waited ahead. At first, time moved so slow. After the first month, it was moving too fast.

^My last day in Irvine

It’s normal to struggle with adjusting to change, but we wouldn’t be able to grow as people if we remained confined in our comfortable cage ignorant of anything new and different.

So I hope you enjoyed my heartfelt words and some of my favorite pictures from my time abroad. Deciding to study abroad was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and a real life changing experience.

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” – Terry Pratchett

Over and out

– Saoirse