“Just breathe.” Am I not already breathing? Should I breathe more? Is that possible?

“Soak it all in and appreciate the good.” But there are so many bad things happening worldwide, so it feels the ‘good’ is non-existent.

“Believe in yourself.” It sounds easy when you say it, but I’m not convinced I can.

These are only a handful of the generalized quotes I’ve found in meditation books sitting on my shelf. I used to open them up, eager to transform into my best self. I’d highlight words, take a deep breath and feel happy for a second until I closed the book and contemplated what I’d cook for dinner. Having the books made me feel better about myself, like buying them brought me closer to being more relaxed and mindful.

Repeating cliché motivational phrases is all well and good till the person disappears without giving you the skills of how to actually execute them. Meditation has been commercialized as an easy escape you can buy in books, courses, retreats & journals, yet a lot of people haven’t a clue how to actually do it. In the past, I had visions of traveling to somewhere exotic like Bali for a meditation retreat (even though courses are accessible near me and online). Recently, I learnt I don’t actually need to disappear to a luxurious/quiet place to become more aware of my breath, or more importantly, my thoughts.

Most teachers are skilled at listmaking and anticipating the future. During the busy weeks of teaching, the planning part of my brain accelerated into overdrive: ticking things off my mental list and sighing when I never got around to the tasks on my physical list. The most painful struggle of teaching is when you spend extra time planning engaging activities only to find the students just don’t get it or ‘aren’t feeling it’. Then having to ‘just breathe’ and try something else instead.

In the midst of a midweek meltdown, a friend suggested ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. This book has been widely accredited for helping people be more present and understand how to meditate without needing to use the fancy word ‘meditate’. My initial response was similar to my mum’s: “I don’t have time to meditate!” Ah, the irony… So, I swallowed my to-do lists and decided meditation might be exactly what I need.

Tolle’s calm voice oversimplified ‘life’ to being present in the now. There is no past where you exist. There is no future where you exist. The voice in your head is NOT you. It is NOT your friend. It is your EGO kidnapping you. It plays tricks on you and loves feeding you criticism if you will let it. This voice provides you with conditions to being your best self E.G. you will be happy when it’s Friday… you will be happy if you get a promotion… These conditional illusions are a setup for disappointment, rather than opening up your awareness to what’s happening around you and finding happiness in the present.

This information was so basic and obvious that it blew my mind. What does this mean? Is nothing I think real? I love to think! I spend far too much time daydreaming and overthinking.

A lot of our unconscious thought processes are learnt from childhood as well as society. And society loves to sell us how to be ‘happier’.

The next morning, I was rolling out of bed and into work when I heard something along the lines of:

“Ugh, hopefully this first class goes alright. Can’t wait till the day is done.”

Saoirse (surprised at this initial thought): Hey, back to the present. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

“Okay, I suppose I’ll shower. I hope the water isn’t cold.”

Saoirse: Back to the present! God, where is this whiny pessimistic voice coming from?

I started to notice my unconscious thought patterns. It felt good knowing I’m not fully responsible for the nonsense I distract myself with. This, is apparently the point of meditation. Noticing repeated patterns and acknowledging you are not these thoughts. I always believed meditating was about realising I had shoulders, a nose and toes while I breathed. Nobody explained what I should do when my mind wanders into the future or past, and why it happens.

“Our ideas are like birds fluttering around in the aviary of our brains. For the birds to settle, we need periods of purpose-free calm.” – Plato (referenced in The School of Life).

I put my newfound awareness into practice whenever I taught in a classroom. Instead of getting annoyed when a planned lesson wasn’t going well or try to force it, I focused on what was happening around me and how I could adapt to the situation. I tried to avoid dependening on to-do lists and soon accepted I will never complete everything on that list/feel fully satisfied.

At the end of the day, we can only anticipate so much of the future, which never turns out exactly as imagined, so planning only gets us so far. Likewise, we can only reminisce on subjective glimpses of the past.

Meditation is not as easy as it sounds on the tin, especially in a world that loves distractions. But it shouldn’t be scary or offputting either. It’s all about repeated practice and giving it a go to benefit you however you want it to.

Here are some books and podcasts I found really helpful if you’re interested in meditation , spirituality or being more present:

1. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle / Essential Teachings Podcast: This book is referenced above. The podcast features Oprah Winfrey and Tolle speaking about his beliefs.
2. 10% Happier (Dan Harris): If you are sceptical of Tolle’s nonchalance and how ‘easy’ being present is for him, Harris writes a relatable honest account of his struggle with meditation as he learned how to ‘tame the voice in his head’.
3. The School of Life (Alain De Botton): This book helps with an in-depth introspection on human emotions and how we can respond to the emotions of others. It offers techniques and explanations rather than a bunch of facts and statistics.
4. The Brave Way: 21 day meditation with Sinead Hegarty. This package might be more expensive, but it’s worth it. Each day contains a visual meditation practice bringing you closer to your feelings and goals while silencing the negative thoughts. Sinead provides helpful visual and verbal techniques to make meditating easier.
5. Bigger Than Us (Fearne Cotton): Fearne helps connect you with your spiritual side in a busy world by providing advice on how we can utilise nature to reconnect with ourselves. I listened to the first ten minutes of this audiobook, then had to buy it. Her voice is so calming and welcoming like a childhood friend. Check out her podcast ‘Happy Place ‘for weekly interviews on the meaning of life.