“That isn’t funny.” Words that have an ability to delete someone’s reputation and self-esteem forever, especially if followed by the most feared word: cancelled.

Insert Facebook status from 12 years ago today:

^ This might not have been enough to cancel 2010 Saoirse. It is definitely enough to make me cringe at my horrendous grammar and irrelevant information. But I noticed how I received ‘0 likes’ and admired my past self’s carelessness to post whatever nonsense I felt was relevant to me. Nowadays, everything we type online feels more permanent with extra pressure to be funny, relevant, and receive at least 20 likes. We seem more bothered about the permanence of our virtual lives rather than the impermanence of our actual lives.

Thank god I can’t access my Bebo account. If you are Irish and were born in the early 1990s, you’ll remember Bebo was a popular social media page before Facebook took off here; designed for people to flaunt their friends and what music they were into. ‘Bebo Saoirse’ appeared to be a whiny teen with goth hair and luminous tutus who idolized Pitbull and loved themselves even more than TyPiNg LiKe DiS. I would be scared of fourteen-year-old ‘Bebo Saoirse’. In reality, she sat at home watching Prison Break or singing along to Taylor Swift, living for a disco that happened every month or two.

Social media was an escapism or a way to fit in without having to leave the house. None of the adults in my life were on it. It wasn’t used for professionalism. Now, the majority of the public are like unpaid FBI agents online and offline, gripping their phones ready to capture people slip up or do something exciting, forcing us to always maintain an image (a comparison by Kevin Harte).

During my Creative Writing MA, a guest speaker stated we are all storytellers since we use Instagram to tell our personal narratives, subjectively choosing the parts of our story we favor. Just like any character in a book, people normally take time to develop, changing at each chapter. When conflict arises in a narrative, it leads to excitement and character-building moments as the audience can relate to the imperfections of humanity. A story is all about learning a lesson, so why are we quick to shame people for being vulnerable, trying something different, or sharing the ugly parts of themselves online? Why do we only want to hear what’s popular, positive and to our taste?

What’s intentionally malicious and what we feel personally insulted by are two different things, but the line can be easily blurred. I’m not saying we should promote bad behavior as calling people out is important to help educate them. But just take a deep breath before permanently deleting someone because of one comment, especially if they are young and vulnerable or rusty in their social media skills. Shaming people can be detrimental to their mental health. HOWEVER, if your profession is linked to your social media, then you should have the common sense to not confuse your account with a personal diary and remember the influence you have.

Diaries aren’t popular anymore – that’s what Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are mistaken for. They are people’s opportunity to share who “they” are with the world. Just remember, this can be a false filtered narrative. Many humans are prone to saying things flippantly and some are wonderful performers. This does not excuse online abuse or hate speech. But social media is tempting us. It can be the devil on our shoulder saying: “Hey, you can lean on me and spill your deepest secrets. We will definitely notice you and give you attention.” Newsfeeds are full of triggers and controversial opinions waiting for a response. Before reacting in the heat of anger, always remember the ‘unfollow’ and ‘mute’ buttons are there to be used.

I know people who appear kind online, sharing how much they donate and give to others, but they are oblivious to your existence and rude in person. Others are shamed for sharing their honest opinions online, but they are straight-forward and genuine in reality.

Why are we making it popular to associate our personality and our existence solely to our social media identity? Is it because it leaves a permanent mark when we leave this earth?

Before posting, instead of only considering: “How do I appear to others online?”

Try: “Why am I sharing this online?” or “How am I treating people in reality?”